She said her name was "party"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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