He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
