remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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