she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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