Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
