Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize