Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
