just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
