I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
