One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
