Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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