I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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