please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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