You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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