Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
