is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
