Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
