sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I forget how to act sober
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
