HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
