WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
