I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
