No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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