drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
