Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
