oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
