does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ttyl tear gas
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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