I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
