a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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