I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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