Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
