the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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