Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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