I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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