the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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