I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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