it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
