Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
