The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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