So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
