Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
