Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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