Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
