why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
