so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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