Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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