dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
