i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
