Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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