i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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