Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
