I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
