So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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