I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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