How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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