It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my being single is dangerous.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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