woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
