dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
