ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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