Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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