just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
