My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
